A typical manager spends 25-40% of their time on conflict; that’s one to two business days each week (Forbes, 2014)! Conflict is inevitable, but our plan for managing it is completely under our control. The next time you feel your blood starting to boil, consider following this easy plan.
1. Set out the facts
Seek to identify and agree upon the objective, observable elements that will have an impact on the decision. Bonus: this step allows you to start the process with common ground.
2. Gather information
You already know your position, so it’s time to listen with a goal to understand the other person’s viewpoint. Pay attention to the other person’s interests by listening first and talking second. Remember to “inquire, don’t accuse.” Come with open-ended questions rather than accusatory statements (Roberts, Ken).
3. Agree on the problem
Go through each of your lists of issues and concerns to make sure you have a solid understanding of what is causing the problem, as well as what each party needs to feel successful. Do not move on until you are certain there are no remaining misunderstandings.
4. Explore options together
Look for common ground rather than compromises where everyone feels like they have to give something up. Keep an open mind and work together to develop solutions. However, don’t brainstorm solutions on your own because you may become too attached to your own ideas. This makes it much harder to take the other person’s ideas into account. Check out my favorite example of brainstorming done right: the Omaha Chamber of Commerce’s We Don’t Coast campaign!
5. Negotiate a solution
Be calm, patient, and respectful, knowing that the end result will be worth the effort: the best possible solution with a relationship still intact!
The next time tempers flare during a workplace meeting or around the table at a family dinner, give this five-step process a try. Remember the words of Dorothy Thomas: “Peace is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it.” If you have any questions on this topic, please contact us to learn more.
- Responsibility, Discipline, Achiever, Relator, Learner